The Mighty Boosh
by ElectroGirlNoir
Summary: I apologise for the lack of a title but I have no idea what to call it. This is my first booshfic and i'm rubbish at summaries. Howard goes missing and Harrison's kitchen is an outrage!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Boosh or anything Boosh related. Boosh.

Author's Note: Hello, this is my first Booshfic :D Read and Review, tell me what you think- if you like it, genius, if you don't, tell me why!

Vince Noir scurried about the flat in a long glittery t-shirt and electric blue pants and socks, and when he'd ran in every room and not found who or what he was looking for, he even ran down into the shop.

Upstairs, Naboo the Enigma considered making a spell to turn himself deaf for a few hours so that he could actually get the peaceful lie-in that he felt he deserved. All he could hear was Vince's feet sliding on the different types of flooring, and his increasingly worried calls of ''Oward?'

Meanwhile, Vince ran back upstairs and skidded to a halt outside Naboo's room, rapping his knuckles on the door, "Naboo?"

"Yes," Naboo sighed, "You do realize the shop doesn't open yet? I know you've only got one brain cell and that-"

"I've lost Howard!"

Naboo rolled his eyes, "Alright, where did you see the ball bag last?"

"He went out last night, remember, after we had that argument, he only said he was going for a walk and he didn't come back later, and I did wait up for him but I fell asleep and when I woke up he still wasn't there, he's nowhere in the flat and his phone's not on,"

Naboo came out of his bedroom, adjusting his turban, "Well… isn't it a bit too early to start worrying? Maybe he went out to paint the town red,"

Vince raised an eyebrow, "Howard? There's no way Howard'd do that. And anyway, he wouldn't paint it red; he'd paint it green or brown, or some really boring colour like that,"

"I'll give Bollo a ring, yeah?" Naboo told him, "He's been out helping Tony Harrison with his new kitchen fittings; I'll ask him to keep a look out for Howard on his way back,"

"Cheers Naboo," Vince muttered distractedly, nibbling his nails.

"Right. Now put some bloody clothes on,"

Later, down in the shop, Vince span around and around in the barber's chair, watching everything blur past him. He kept thinking about their silly argument last night, all because Vince accidentally spilled a bottle of bright red nail polish all over one of Howard's prize jazz records.

"_Oh so you think it's funny do you?" Howard had fumed, "Just maybe we'll see how funny it is when the same thing happens to several pairs of your prize drainpipes, sir!"_

"_Howard, don't you dare!" Vince had barred the doorway, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I laugh when I'm nervous, you know that!"_

"_Since when do you laugh when you're nervous? Don't give me that Vince,"_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because the way I'm feelin' I'll come at you, sir. I'll come at you like a ton of bricks. A ton of lead, anvil shaped bricks-"_

_Vince had laughed._

"_Laughing again are we? Yeah, this is just so funny Vince, this is hilarious!" and Howard had begun to laugh harshly and humorlessly._

"_Howard, shut up, you freak," Vince had exclaimed, still laughing, "M'just laughing cos you said you'll 'come at me'"_

"_Oh!" Howard glared, "And what's funny about that?"_

"_You really don't know?" Vince had raised an eyebrow, his eyes shinning cheekily._

"_No, I don't Vince, and the way things are happening lately, I'm starting to really…" he stopped and looked at the floor._

"_What?" Vince had asked, having the feeling that he wasn't going to like whatever was coming next._

"_I'm starting to really tire of being around… you."_

"_What?" Vince's eyes had widened, "You're just angry, that's all… I've been your friend since we were kids! It was just an accident, 'Oward!"_

"_Well I'm tired of your accidents, Vince. These days I'm only your friend when it suits you. If there's a big crowd gathering down in Kentish Town, I'm out of the picture," he had left the living room then, and headed downstairs, just about to open the door to leave._

"_Howard, where are you going?" Vince had ran after him, deciding that if Howard said 'leaving for good' he'd throw his arms around the maverick's waist and not let go, no matter how many times he said, "Don't touch me, don't ever touch me!" they'd been friends for years and years, he wouldn't just walk out._

"_I'm going for a walk, Vince," Howard had replied, stepping outside into the rain._

"_Howard!" Vince had called after him, his brain cell scrabbling through paperwork to find something that would make Howard stay, or at least realize that he was sorry,_

"_I love you!"_

_Howard had turned to look at him with weary scorn before heading off without a word. _

He hadn't needed words, Vince reflected, still spinning in the chair, his look had said it all: _Don't be ridiculous._

It was ridiculous, really, but he'd been going for the shock factor, and it was true in some ways; he did really care for Howard, which was why he'd been running around _The_ _Nabootique_ looking for him. Maybe lately he hadn't showed it all that well, but even when he did try to show it by hugging him or putting an arm around his shoulders, or even just patting him on the back, all he ever got was 'Don't touch me!' What was he supposed to do, leave little notes lying around the flat?

He stopped spinning the chair when someone came into the shop, the bell tinkling cheerily. It was Bollo.

"Bollo no see Harold,"

"Howard," Vince corrected, sadly.

"Oh yeah," Bollo grunted, coming over to the counter to pat Vince's head, "Cheer up, precious Vince, Bollo make you pancakes?"

Vince shook his head, "No thanks, Bollo,"

"Bollo carry you on back?"

Vince shook his head.

"Bollo do magic trick?"

Vince shook his head.

"Bollo dance?"

Vince shook his head.

"Bollo get you new Howard?"

Vince smiled a little and shook his head, "Nah, it has to be the original, none of the replacements have ever been as good,"

"Shame," Bollo said, "Bollo would like new Howard better,"

"I dunno where 'e's gone, Bollo," Vince sighed, "I've tried everything; I even went and asked Lester Corncrake, which was a total waste of time…"

"It is a bit odd," Naboo nodded, coming to stand by the counter, "I tell you what, you wait here in case he comes back and me and Bollo'll take the carpet and have a look around,"

Vince nodded, nibbling at his nails again.

The night swept in like a bat's wing, and Howard was still nowhere to be seen. It was really late now, and Vince was almost asleep, curled up on the sofa, clutching a pillow.

"Vince, you can't sleep out here all night," Naboo sighed.

"He said he was tired of being around me," Vince chewed his bottom lip, "What… what if something's happened to him, Naboo?"

"I'm sure he's alright," Naboo replied, not sure at all. It was more than a little strange that Howard _still_ wasn't back.

"What if he's left for good, what if he really is tired of being around me?" Vince pressed his face into the pillow.

Naboo sighed again and sat beside Vince on the sofa, "It'll be alright, yeah?"

"It won't though, will it?" Vince sniffed, "Not if 'Oward doesn't come back…"

Naboo patted Vince on the shoulder, "Go to bed now, yeah?"

Vince sat up slowly, blinking at the make-up stain he'd made on the pillow, "I dunno what I'll do if he's not gonna be around anymore… he's not like my other mates. He's a proper _mate_, not a _fan_…"

Outside, the moon grinned in the sky.

_I'm the moon. _

_I'm in my first quarter, and I don't like people seeing that half of my face, that's why it's all dark, it's cos I don't want you to look at it. It's all ugly like in the Phantom of the Opera, and people are gonna look at it and go "eeer, look at 'im, look at the moon with 'is big ugly face!"_

_I don't like that half; it makes me do a sad face when I think about it._

_Can you still see it, does it notice when I move ma' eyes like this?_

_I told Jupiter and 'e said I'm just going through a phase._

_I'm the moon._


	2. Chapter 2

**The Mighty Boosh**

**Disclaimer:** **I do not own The Mighty Boosh, and can't think of anything witty to jazz this up a bit.**

**Author's Note:** **Thanks to Bitey Moose and x Thursday Next x for reviewing! Much appreciated! :D**

Naboo and Bollo hadn't seen Vince so sad since the nearest Topshop had had to close down for refurbishments. Howard still was nowhere to be seen.

The shaman and his familiar had been unable to contain their thoughts any longer and had started whispering in the kitchen about what would happen if Howard Moon really wasn't going to return, which, if they faced the facts, was looking more and more likely.

'I can hear you!' Vince appeared in the doorway, eyes a whirlpool of emotion, 'I've got the 'earing of that elephant!'

'Which elephant?' Bollo asked.

Naboo shook his head wearily.

'The one with the big ears,' Vince replied, thrown off guard by the shear force of such an odd question at such a serious moment.

'Jo?' Bollo suggested.

'Who?' Vince looked bemused.

'Jo the Elephant; he have wonky eye and live in zoo...'

'No,' Vince ran a hand through his hair, 'Not wonky eye Joe... m'talking about that one on TV...'

'Larry the Elephant?'

'No, not that dippy excuse for a cartoon; did you see it last week? He didn't stand a chance against that army o' mice; he was like an eyelash in the wind...'

'Dumbo!' Naboo snapped, unable to hold himself back any longer.

'Hey, who you calling a dumbo?' Vince frowned, putting one arm around Bollo's shoulders, 'We're like two halves of dilute knowledge, me and Bollo, put us together and you get pure genius-'

'Not you pair o' ballbags!' Naboo yelled, 'I'm talking about the name o' the bloody elephant. Anyway, why are we standing here like a bunch of tits talking about elephants? We've lost bloody Howard!'

Vince bit his bottom lip and swiftly left the kitchen.

'Bollo know it Dumbo,' Bollo told Naboo, 'Bollo just try to distract Vince,'

'Yeah, well it's confusing enough without getting wonky-eye-Joe and his elephant mates involved, yeah?' Naboo raised an eyebrow.

It was early, and they didn't have to open the shop yet. It was only usually Howard, who got up at the 'crack o' dawn, sir,' as he put it, to open up shop, and Naboo if he wasn't out, ready to kick Howard out of bed if he didn't wake up in time.

Vince sat in the living room, staring at the three phones on the table; one was his, one was Naboo's and one was Bollo's. Howard was bound to ring one of them to at least tell them he was okay, wasn't he?

Sure enough, Bollo's phone began to ring,

Not caring about respecting anyone's privacy, Vince sprang forward and jabbed a button, which happened to put the phone on speakerphone, just as Bollo came into the room with Naboo.

'Ewwwwwwwh, you won't believe what's 'appened!' came the voice of Tony Harrison, and then: 'Saboo, you bloody slaaaaaaaag! Give me that phone right nooooooooow!'

'Hello?' Saboo's voice.

'Bollo here,' Bollo said, cradling the phone in one hairy 'hand' and scratching his head with the other, puzzled.

'Look, I warn you now that Harrison's in a foul mood; you know how he's been trying to sort his kitchen? I believe you helped out yesterday. You know what it's like round there, it's-'

'An absolute outraaaaaaaage is what it is!' Cut in Harrison's voice.

'Oh will you stop waving your many... _legs_, if they may be called so, in my direction! You're practically foaming at the mouth! And while we're on the subject of this complete madness, can we slow this carpet down; we are way over the limit!' Saboo retorted.

Naboo, Bollo and Vince shared an exasperated look.

'Look, we don't have time for this at the moment, yeah?' Naboo deadpanned into the phone.

'This pink lunatic and his kitchens are driving me mad!' Saboo exclaimed.

'Eeeeeeehw, what d'you mean _kitchens_? I've only got one you ballbag, and it's driving me mentaaaaaaaal!' Harrison's voice yelled.

Vince sighed; none of this was helping them find Howard. He stood up and grabbed his jacket, 'I'm gonna go out for a bit,' he muttered, retrieving his phone from the table before he went.

Vince ran home in the rain, not because he had found Howard, or even any news on him, but because it was flattening his hairdo. However, he did have an idea about what to do when he got inside.

As he reached the door of the shop, holding a packet of chocolate Hobnobs above his head in a fruitless attempt to keep himself dry, he stilled his hand on the door and wished that when he went in, none of this mess had happened, and Howard would be standing there, waiting with a lecture prepared about his lateness.

His brain cell had been attacking the paperwork once again, whilst Vince had been on his walk, but had gotten bored and started folding his memories up into paper aeroplanes and chucking them about the place.

The memory that nosedived into Vince's mind as he squelched into the shop in his wet, silver high heeled boots was one from last week, before their arguments had started taking a serious turn:

"_Er... what time do you call this?" Howard had asked, irked, as Vince had made his way into the shop._

"_12:30?" Vince had replied, hanging up his sequined jacket._

"_Don't play smart with me sir," Howard had followed the younger man with just his eyes, "You said you were only going out for strawberry bootlaces. How long were they?"_

"_Well that's the thing, see," Vince had answered, his eyes widening into an all too familiar 'I'm serious' expression, "When I got to the corner shop, they only had these mega long ones; the shopkeeper said the machine must've mutated or something, they were genius, and he said I could cut them meself right, but I got all tangled up and had to eat my way out with a chip fork," _

_Howard had waited until he had finished writing excuse number 38 in the 'Vince's Excuses For Getting Out Of Work Volume III' one hundred page note book with one of Stationary Village's sharpest pencils before he spoke, "I suppose you washed it down with the mutated bottle of Lucozade that had to be stored in the mutated fridge from Currys did you? Do you expect me to believe that, Vince? I've had to do almost the entire stocktaking by myself,"_

_Vince giggled._

'_What's funny; am I missing something?' Howard had raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms._

_Vince had shaken his head in response, 'Don't go all mardy bum on me 'Oward... why are you looking at me like that... with yer Northern belt 'oles,' he giggled._

'_Making a reference to the size of my eyes is not the way to boogie yourself back into my good books,' Howard had informed him, 'with your glitter and your... hair...'_

_Vince had flashed a grin, 'Was that supposed to be a comeback?'_

'_Oh no,' Howard had shaken his head, 'That wasn't even the beginning. You'll know when I'm comin' back 'atcha, you're gonna feel it, I'm gonna put the moves on you, KAPOW! I'm gonna come at you like a tempest! My jazzy text is gonna hit you like a typhoon!'_

_Vince had smothered his laughter and made a face, 'Yeah... I'm not gonna even go there... let's go and do the rest of the stocktaking',' he had reached out and patted Howard's shoulder affectionately._

'_Don't touch me Vince,'_

'Vince!'

Vince snapped out of his reverie to find himself standing in a puddle in the middle of the shop with the rain hammering at the windows like a psycho and Naboo and Bollo staring at him.

'What are you doing gazing into nowhere like that?' Naboo frowned, 'I thought you'd gone wrong! Wipe your feet, the mud gets in Bollo's feet-fur,'

Bollo gestured to the rain outside, 'What is this rubbish? How we supposed to fly carpet in this?'

Vince ran a hand through his hair and looked forlornly at Howard's jacket hanging up on the coat stand.

'You better ring Harrison back,' Naboo told Bollo, 'Tell him we can't make it,' he turned to Vince who was still looking at Howard's jacket, 'We were gonna wait for you to get back and then take the carpet to have a look around whilst Bollo sorted out the kitchen nonsense,' he sighed, 'But it doesn't look like we'll be able to do that now,'

Vince's bottom lip trembled and he sank his teeth into it, 'okay...' he mumbled in agreement.

'We'll get the playing cards out, alright,' Naboo offered, 'The rain'll let up soon,' he reassured.

As if to object, there was a loud growl of thunder and the rain became heavier.

'Better make it monopoly,' Naboo lisped.

A little later, Vince, sitting lengthways on the sofa with his knees drawn up to his chest, decided to put his earlier idea into action and call Fossil to ask if he had seen Howard.

'Hello?' came Fossil's voice, 'If this is the guy ringing to ask me if I wanna change my network, _go away! You make me kick things! Quit stalking me! I don't ring your phone when you're busy ringing my phone do I, huh?? 'Oooh but it's my job'- I don't care if it's your job, tough shit! If you ring my phone again I will visit where you live and I will come down on you like a jack-in-a-box full o' fists!_''

'Bobby, it's me,' Vince said, when he could get a word in edgeways, holding the phone away from his ringing ear, 'Listen-'

'Vincey!' Bobby launched into a song, 'Oooh Vincey Vincey baby, oooh baby, baby, baby-'

'Booby, listen, please,' Vince pleaded, with a frustrated sigh, 'It's serious!'

'What, what's serious? You got heavy news to lay on me Vincey? Go on; lay it on me hard, I can take it...'

'Howard's missing and-'

'Who?'

'Howard Moon,' Vince sighed, leaning his head back against the sofa exasperatedly.

'Oh, Moon, that guy, uh-huh, Im listening Vincey,'

'I was wondering if you've seen him or anything.'

'Nope,' Fossil replied, 'If I had I'd have thrown a chair!'

'Okay,' Vince replied dejectedly.

'Vincey, if I see him, I'll give you a call, cos I hate to see you unhappy! It makes me wanna cry salty tears of sorrow!'

'Cheers Bobby...' Vince twisted a piece of jet-black hair around his fingers sadly.

'Alrighty. Oh, and if the network guy calls you up, don't let him win you over! Tell him Bobby Bob Bob Bob's gonna come down on him like a sack o' hate! Tell him I'm gonna come to his house and do some stuff!'

'Alright,'

The rain didn't let up. It rained until it poured, it poured until it was bucketing down, it bucketed down until it disturbed a small family of spiders who were not happy because they'd just had the place renovated, then it chucked it down until it was too late to go anywhere, and then it drizzled, but by then it didn't matter what it did because no one cared anymore, and anyone who did care was fast asleep, none-the-wiser.

Vince insisted on staying up in case Howard came back, despite Naboo's protests, but it was so late that he had fallen asleep, and the only one left to look out for any sign of Howard was the moon.

_I'm the moon._

_I dunno why people think I've got time to be lookin' at things, cos I ain't. People think that I'm really 'orrible for sayin' that, like the other day, when Mars wanted to show me a trick and I couldn't look because I'm the moon. E said 'e's not gonna talk to me for a fortnight now._

_I was tellin' Jupiter that it's not that I don't want to look, it's cos I'm busy, I've got a twenty-four-hour job because I'm the moon._

_People say 'Oh yeah, d'you know the moon, 'e's got an easy job,'_

_But actually... _

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Oh, yeah, it is quite easy._

_I'm the moon._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Greetings! Had a bit of writer's block writing this one :( Thanks to everyone for your lovely reviews! :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Boosh and no coffee tables were harmed in the making of this. That is all.**

'Vince...'

Vince, fast asleep on the sofa, frowned, murmured something and fell back to sleep again.

Crouching beside the sofa, Howard sighed; _what was he going to say? How was he going to explain this?_

'Little Man...' he whispered, feeling extremely guilty.

This time, Vince sprang awake, and before he could even say anything, Howard shushed him.

'Shhh! Vince, please, shhhh! Don't wake up Naboo and Bollo,'

Vince had surprised even himself; instead of being happy that Howard was here, or even concerned, he was breath labouringly angry.

'Where were you?' he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief.

'I...' Howard looked at the floor, 'I was in a jazz club,'

'You were _where_?' Vince's eyes were wide, and upset, 'I looked everywhere for you, _including_ in jazz clubs,'

For a minute, Howard didn't know what to say; looking into Vince's eyes was like looking into a lake, and he was drowning in them, "I…" but all his words had sunk under the water, and all he could do was fish out a silly question, '... what can I say?'

'What can you say?' Vince hissed, 'I dunno Howard; what brilliant thing will you come up with next that can make all this better! Look at us! It's all falling apart like an old poncho- I mean it must be, if you'd just walk out like that without even telling me that you were okay! How d'you think that made me feel? I thought something had 'appened! Why- oh my God, I can't believe you...' Vince stared at him, not caring that his hair was a mess, or that he had make-up smudged under his eyes.

'Vince...' Howard said, lamely.

Vince sprang from the sofa, and then, overcome by dizziness, stumbled sideways and then backwards, crashing into the coffee table behind him.

'Vince!' Howard ran forward to see if he was okay, reaching out a hand.

Vince flinched away from him, 'Don't touch me!'

_Isn't it supposed to be the other way round? _Howard thought.

At that moment, Bollo charged into the living room, with an angry shout, and then he saw who it was and paused, fist raised, 'It's you ballbags!'

'What in hell's tits is going on out here?' Naboo joined them, and surveyed the scene.

Vince struggled up and ran into the bathroom.

Once inside, he didn't have the energy to slam the door hard, and he just fell against it, tears running down his face. _He'd been to a jazz club? He'd actually walked out on Vince to go to a jazz club and hadn't even phoned or anything, just to let him know he was okay, almost as if he wanted Vince to worry? And what he'd just said himself, about it all falling apart like an old poncho- it was true, he wasn't quite sure what 'it' was, but they just weren't the same anymore, whatever had bound them together as best friends had almost died out completely. How had they got so obnoxious to one another? _

_Obnoxious enough to lie about where they'd been?_

Vince could read Howard like a book. A picture book. It was all in his eyes; they literally were a window to his soul- if he was happy, you knew it just from his eyes, whether he smiled or not, if he was sad, it was the same, even if he was grinning to pretend that he wasn't. If he was lying, his eyes were all over the place like marbles in a pan.

And he was lying now.

'I've a mind to turn my back on you,' Naboo said, folding his arms and looking directly into Howard's eyes, 'But you weren't in a jazz club were you?'

'I was, I was in a jazz club,' Howard repeated, sweeping up the remnants of a glass that had been knocked off the table, starting to feel like a stuck record.

'You're a worse liar than... well, I can't even think of anything witty to compare you to,' Naboo shrugged, 'But it's written all over your face like someone's run up and scribbled on you with a _Bic Biro_,'

'You upset precious little Vince...' Bollo growled.

'I'm sorry,' Howard sighed, 'I'm really sorry guys. I just needed to clear my head, that's all. I know it was wrong not to at least call, I'm an idiot. I'm a jazzy idiot...'

'Yeah,' Naboo replied, 'you are. Let me know when you're ready to come and tell me what you've really done. But seriously, talk to Vince, he was really worried about you, you ballbag.' He turned to Bollo, who was giving Howard the evil eye, gorilla style,

'Come on Bollo, you better ring Harrison and tell him we can come today. I'm gonna open the shop yeah?'

'Ok,' Bollo grunted, following the shaman out of the door and quickly turning back to face Howard, 'Howard no do anything to upset Vince anymore,' he warned.

'You know I wouldn't do that,' Howard sighed.

Vince sat with his back to the door, cradling one arm wrapped in tissue, which he had injured when he fell into the table and the glass broke.

'Little Man...' Howard sat down on the other side of the door, with his back against it.

'Hmmm?' Vince murmured.

'I'm sorry...'

'...'

'Are you alright? From when you fell? You didn't get cut on the glass?'

Vince looked down at his arm, '...Just a bit...'

'What do you mean 'just a bit'?' Howard replied, concern seeping into his voice.

'I really worried about you Howard. I was trying to think what I'd do if you never came back. I never thought you'd do something like that...'

'I'm sorry, Vince, and I mean that,'

'I... do you remember our last crimp?' Vince wondered suddenly.

'Yeah,' Howard replied, with a slight smile.

They both sang under their breath:

_Twenty-third Century, ooh,_

_Twenty-third Century, ah,_

_Twenty-third Century, ooh,_

_Twenty-third Century, ah,_

_Imagination takes me to,_

_The twenty-third century, electro-robots dance with me in the Twenty-Third Century, _

_Electronic colony,_

_In the Twenty-Third Century_

_Twenty-Third Century_

_Twenty-Third Century_

_Twenty-Third Century_

_I am ultramodern man, _

_Sitting in the future bar,_

_I am Mr Spaceman,_

_Reaching out to a galaxy far_

_Twenty-third Century, ooh,_

_Twenty-third Century, ah,_

_Twenty-third Century, ooh,_

_Twenty-third Century, ah,_

_Imagination takes me to,_

_Electronic Colony_

'We ain't done that in ages,' Vince muttered matter-of-factly

'Let us in, eh?' Howard asked, softly, 'Let me see what you've done,'

Vince stood up shakily and opened the door, still holding the tissue paper to the wound.

'Let me have a look then, I haven't got x-ray eyes, have I?'

'Howard, if you get blood on me...'

'It's your blood sir!' Howard replied, heading into the kitchen, 'A plaster'll do it...'

'I feel weird...'

'Yeah well it's quite a nasty cut- keep still...'

As Howard applied the plaster, one hand holding Vince's wrist still, Vince flicked his lashes up at Howard and watched him: _did he really think that he was fooling him?_

'Ow! With yer big lumbering jazz 'ands!' he exclaimed aloud.

'There you are. I hope that weren't a hand jibe-'

At that moment, Vince flung his arms around Howard's neck, feeling the tears burning his eyes again.

'Er...' Howard flailed and put his hands behind him, resting on the counter. He couldn't, for some reason, bring himself to say '_Don't touch me_'

'I'm still mad at you...' Vince said, and then sniffled, and then started to cry, 'I thought... _I'm so angry with you, Moon,_'

Cautiously, Howard gently rubbed Vince's back with one hand, and took a tissue from his pocket with the other, 'Here...'

Vince dabbed his eyes with the tissue and drew back slightly, trying to glare at Howard but not really succeeding; it's hard to look angry with someone when you're in the midst of hugging them, even if they did look rather alarmed.

Howard laughed, 'You look like a panda...'

'Yeah well,' Vince replied, his hands on Howard's shoulders, 'this is what you did, Howard; I went to sleep on the sofa cos I was up 'alf the night looking for you!'

'You don't need all that make-up anyway,' Howard replied.

'Don't start that,' Vince replied with a small smile, 'You know it's an argument you won't win,'

'It's on my shirt look,' Howard frowned.

'Just rub it off then,' Vince rolled his eyes and grabbed the offending piece of material.

'Hey! Hey!' Howard suddenly found he could say one of his usual lines after all, 'Don't touch me, Vince!'

At that moment, Naboo came into the kitchen and the three froze and looked at one another. Naboo looked from Howard's alarmed face and awkward position against the kitchen counter, to Vince's innocent stance with fistfuls of Howard's shirt in his hands.

'It's... not how it's looks,' Howard explained.

Vince giggled.

'I'm sure it's not.' Naboo replied, 'Listen; me and Bollo've got to help out Harrison with his kitchen before he goes nuts and starts attacking half the Shaman Lodge. I need you two to stop messing about and mind the shop,'

'Think we can do that,' Vince said, 'As soon as I've got ready,' he darted off in the direction of the bathroom.

'So you were in a jazz club, yeah?' he heard Naboo say.

'Yeah,' Howard replied.

_Liar._

_Why was he lying like that?_

'Look,' Howard whispered to Naboo, after a pause, 'There's something I need to tell you, but Vince can't know,'

'I know,' Naboo replied, 'But not in here, he's got the hearing of Dumbo,'

Howard took a breath and looked at his shoes, 'You're right,' he whispered, 'I lied about where I was...'

Standing just behind the bathroom door, Vince frowned.

'I heard that,' he murmured.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hello! I wanna let you all know that this is just a short little chapter, mainly for the benefit of Da Full Moon because he didn't get to be in chapter three :D Thanks to everyone for reading! :D

**Disclaimer:** No possession o' mine!

Vince yawned and propped his head up with one hand, sitting at the counter waiting down in the shop for Howard to come back in from tidying up. They had only just closed.

He was still waiting for Howard to tell him the truth. He was more hurt than angry with him now, hurt that Howard would just disappear and then lie like that. He just wanted to make up and move on, and try and get back to how they used to be, but they couldn't if he didn't tell the truth.

In a way, he wanted to be angry with Howard, and not even talk to him for at least a good thirty minutes, but he just couldn't, partly because he was presently too worn out from worrying. It was always the same; they would argue, vow not to talk to one another, and only manage to keep that vow for about two minutes.

But even though they were talking, it was still awkward, and not just because Vince knew Howard was hiding something from him; it had started before that, a kind of hesitant atmosphere where they had to calculate what they were going to say before they said it, in case it was taken the in wrong way.

Howard came in from putting out the bin bags- Vince was no longer asked, contemplated or even suggested after the whole incident with the Crack Fox- and shut the door quietly.

A look of uncertainty passed between them.

Half the time now they were treading on some pretty hefty eggshells.

'There's a full moon outside,' Howard said.

_Yay, look at me, I'm da full moon!_

_You know Jupiter?_

_I know Jupiter._

'_E told me I'm getting too full o' myself, so I said, 'I am full! I'm da full moon!' and 'e just rolled his eyes and mentally shut 'imself off'_

_It's good when you're da full moon, cos people trust you better. When you aren't da full moon it's easier to put on the poker face, cos if you wanna laugh you can just laugh on the side that people can't see. Laughing on da other side of your face- Heh heh, da moon did a pun!_

_I'm da moon._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**** Once again thanks to everyone for your reviews! Most uplifting when you're not sure how things are going :D ! **

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own The Boosh. I would have thought of something more entertaining to say here, but there's a neon Yeti in my lounge who keeps singing something about shelves. I can't even hear myself think. **

**Ingredients:**** 100% Brain Power. Suitable for vegetarians. May contain traces of Mild Language. Made in the same factory where various vocal impressions take place. **

'Why d'you keep looking out the door like that?' Vince asked the next morning, as he sat at the counter watching Howard, who every so often kept looking outside.

'What?' Howard pretended he hadn't heard, his eyes darting around the shop.

'What's all this about?' Vince asked, sighing, and putting down his copy of _Cheekbone_, 'You're doing that marbles-in-a-pan thing with your eyes again, you've got shifty belt 'oles,'

'I'm surprised you've managed to drag yourself away from that magazine of yours,' Howard replied, swiftly trying to steer the subject away from his shifty eyes.

'It's gone outta date,' Vince answered, 'M'just waiting for the ninja,' he peered out at Howard from under his fringe and chewed his cherry gloss covered bottom lip, 'Anyway, what's up with you?' He was trying to get Howard to just admit whatever it was without actually having to say, _'Why are you lying to me?'_

'Vince, I have no idea what you're talking about and haven't had any idea what you've been talking about the other twelve times you've asked me this question,' Howard opened the door of the _Nabootique_ and looked out, first one way and then the other, 'you've gone paranoid,'

'What are you on about!?' Vince exclaimed with a laugh of disbelief, 'You're calling _me _paranoid? You're the one who keeps looking left 'nd right; you're like the three little men in a flying saucer!'

It was at that moment that a rather hyperactive ninja arrived, and Howard leapt back with a shriek of fright. The ninja cartwheeled about a bit, brandished the fresh copy of _Cheekbone_, and was gone within seconds.

Vince laughed with appreciation, 'Did you see 'im? He was well wired. Genius,' he shook his head in respect and then looked at Howard, who had sort of neatly folded himself away into the corner like a terrified envelope.

''oward? 'Ave you gone wrong?'

'Gu...' Howard replied, hand on his heart.

'I did warn you 'e was coming,' Vince told him, 'and what was that scream all about?'

'It was a very masculine scream, Sir,' Howard said, snapping out of his pose.

'Is there a woman screaming in here?' Naboo asked, frowning, making his way into the shop from the stockroom.

'It was Howard,' Vince replied with a giggle.

'Don't mess about, yeah,' Naboo told them firmly, 'What did I say about keeping it down? I can't total up the stock with you lot making a rumpus and screaming like a girl,' he looked skyward thoughtfully, 'Actually, I don't think even girls scream like that, that was one pitch below the sound that only Yetis can hear,' he disappeared back into the stockroom with a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Later, Howard found himself at the receiving end of an intense stare of disbelief from Vince.

Said man was standing in the living room, one hand on his hip and a shiny, sequin adorned jacket in the other, which he was holding by its hanger with one finger, 'Are you ever gonna stop, Howard? You're actually serious; you're trying to stop me from going out?'

Howard had to drag his eyes away from the fierce grip of Vince's stare, 'If you really have to go out then just be back in an hour, okay? Before it gets properly dark,'

Vince sniffed, struggling to make a noise that would express his feeling of complete disbelief, 'And now I'm getting lectured about punctuality by a man who buggered off for days without even telling any of the people he lived with! One of them 'appened to be his best mate!' He paused, but, as usual, the silence was worse than the shouting so he continued, 'Well... I thought I was, perhaps not...'

Howard ran a hand through his hair, 'I haven't got anyone else,' he wished he could grab the words out of the air, screw them up like an old piece of paper and throw them at the wall the instant they left his mouth.

'Oh, so that's why you're friends with me is it?' Vince said quietly, indignation in his voice, 'Better me than no one?'

'You know I didn't mean it like that...' Howard replied, just as Bollo came into the room in the middle of a phone conversation.

The gorilla heaved a sigh and put the phone on the table, waving a hairy hand of apology at Vince and Howard as he put it on speakerphone.

'Harrison, many hours we have been talking now,' he said, sitting down heavily on the sofa.

'Yeah well it gets very lonely now that Mrs Aitch is gone,' Harrison's voice replied, 'Can't you even 'ave a conversation with me with a good 'art?'

'Bollo have conversation with you with good heart for two hours,' Bollo answered, 'Bollo fix your kitchen with good heart, Bollo come back next day and finish fixing your kitchen with good heart, Bollo even play scrabble with you with good heart, but now Bollo starting to get little bit pissed off,'

Vince took the opportunity to put on his jacket and head out.

'Vince,' Howard followed him, 'an hour, yeah?'

Vince just looked at Howard with wide, disbelieving eyes and shook his head, hurrying out.

Howard stood face to face with the door, screwed his face up and gave himself a Chinese burn before running back to the stockroom to find Naboo.

'Naboo! Naboo he's gone out!'

Naboo looked up with an exasperated sigh at Howard's exclamation, 'don't rush to stop him will ya?' he said, sarcastically.

'I couldn't,' Howard replied, in the stockroom doorway, 'Can't... can't you do something?'

'I am doing something,' Naboo replied with a frown, 'Can't you see what I'm reading? This is an ancient ancient ancient book of spells. It so ancient, I can hardly read it. I can't do everything; I'm only one shaman, not ten,' he turned the page and blew a sheet of dust away, 'and quite honestly, if I was ten shamans, nine of 'em'd be down the pub,'

'But the other one would be here,' Howard said.

'No, he'd be down Shamansbury's. We've run out of leopard whiskers again,'

Howard sighed, 'But he's gone out, Naboo! How do you expect me to stop Vince Noir doing what he does? He'll be alright if he's only gone an hour, won't he?'

'When has Vince only ever been out for an hour?' Naboo asked, raising an eyebrow. 'Why don't you go after him?'

'Because I don't know where he's gone...' what was worse, Howard couldn't help feeling that Vince was going to stay out for ages or do something ridiculous just to prove that he wasn't going to listen to him.

'I could call him, I suppose- I don't know what to do Naboo!'

Naboo stood up and waved a hand at Howard, 'Stop yelling, that's not gonna solve anything, is it? Go and call him!' he rolled his eyes, 'I don't know what to do either, if I'm honest, this is a disaster, all of it, and it wouldn't have happened if you two hadn't started acting so silly with one another,' he took a breath, 'More to the point, you didn't even try to stop him, did you?'

Howard shook his head.

'Well, if you don't want anything to happen, you're gonna have to get your arse in gear,' Naboo told him sternly, 'and stop being so lenient,'

Howard hurried up the stairs from the stockroom, then ran up the stairs into the flat and into the bedroom, flicking on the light switch, grabbing his phone from his bedside table, and narrowly avoiding getting blinded by a mirror ball on Vince's side of the room.

When he tried to ring Vince all he got was voice mail, and seeing as he had no idea what to say to Vince anymore even when he was in the flat, he certainly had no idea what to say to him in a message.

Sighing, he headed over to the window and peered up at the sky; it was already nearly dark, and he could just see the moon from behind the clouds.

_I'm da moon._

_Don't look at me, I'm not ready yet._

_That's why I'm behind these clouds,_

_The moon 'asn't got 'is face on._

_Jupiter was telling Mars the other day that..._

_You know Venus?_

_Well Jupiter was telling Mars that Venus takes too long to get ready an' 'es not got anything to get ready for, and Venus 'eard 'im and got really pissed off._

_It is nice, to look good, like when you've gotta go out and stuff..._

_I'm da moon, so I've got to look good all da time, which is why I might take a bit of time getting ready. If Jupiter tells Mars that I take long I ain't 'aving it, I'm gonna do a wee on 'im._

_Go away now; you're making me do it all wrong._

_I'm da moon. _


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**Hello! Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed and added me as favourite story, e.c.t! :D

**Disclaimer:** I own nowt, Sir.

'Get in,'

Vince remained where he was, the noise and lights of the night club behind him overpowering the street, staring at Howard in the campervan as if his eyes were deceiving him.

'Get in,' Howard repeated, winding the window all the way down and resting his arm on the windowsill.

Vince's mob of acquaintances all whispered to one another, and the friends that had seen Howard before when he had come to pick Vince up after a drunken night out explained who he was, which caused people to snicker.

'I'm not messing around Vince,' Howard said, 'Get in. Are you drunk?'

'Not yet,' Vince replied coldly, as if he intended to go back inside.

'Yeah, well, that'll make a change, won't it?' Howard replied, wondering how in the name of all that was jazz he was going to get Vince in the campervan if he refused.

'What are you doing here?' Vince asked, in the same tone of voice, looking out at Howard from under his raven hair.

'What does it look like?' Howard replied, trying to summon an iota of command, 'I'm taking you home sir. It took me an hour to find you, and it was an hour that I said you could stay out for, and an hour is now up because an hour's gone by and you were in here whilst I was looking for you for that hour- look, in short; time's up. I am also prepared for your tirade of anger; I knew you'd have a massive, oven fried chip on your shoulder on arrival,'

At that moment, someone who Howard vaguely remembered Vince holding a grudge with, stepped out of the night club and surveyed the scene, 'you gonna be grounded, Noir?'

The crowd laughed.

'You wanna come over here an' say that?' Vince growled, already angry and in no mood to be jeered at, spinning on his heel.

_Oh, Christ,_ Howard thought; he had only wanted to find Vince, pull-up, collect him like a glittery parcel containing a malice-tainted Goth fairy and go home before anything decidedly creepy came out of the shadows. He should have added 'and before any brawls broke out' to his journey wish list.

'Yeah, I do actually,' Vince's foe replied, making his way through the crowd.

Howard was already getting out of the van, considering just grabbing Vince and bundling him into the back. He too was in no mood for any of what was currently going on.

'See, I think you're all talk,' Vince's opposition continued, now inches away from him, 'I think you fight as badly as you dress-'

It was at that moment that Vince lunged at him, and Howard grabbed him, pulling him back towards the van still kicking and yelling and swearing.

'That's it; you take your wife home!' Howard heard the man yell, as he struggled with Vince, 'She's a wild little thing!'

'Vince!' Howard shouted over Vince's yells. It was like trying to hold onto an angry and unruly glittery _Frube_, 'Just get in the van will you?'

When they were finally back on the road, Howard drove in silence, the only sound Vince's angry breathing. He was certainly going to wait for him to calm down before even trying to hold a conversation with him. The moon was now shining bright in the sky:

_Hey diddle-diddle the cat... an' the fiddle..._

_The cow jumped over da moon..._

_The little dog laughed to see such fun..._

_And da dish ran away with da spoon._

_You know, it wasn't actually a cow that jumped over da moon, it was a goat. _

_I know cos I was there, I'm da witness._

_An da dish ran away with the spoon, but 'e left a fork at 'ome..._

_I'm da moon._

'I thought you'd gone mad back there,' Howard said, briefly catching Vince's eye in the mirror, 'put your seatbelt on,'

Instead of protesting as usual, Vince just obeyed, 'I'm tired, Howard,' he said forlornly, after a moment had gone by.

'We'll be home soon,'

''M not talking about that,' Vince replied, 'I mean-' but then he realised just how tired he really was and nodded, 'Yeah...'

'Howard?' Vince broke another painful silence a few minutes later.

'Yeah... Little Man?'

Vince shrugged slightly, 'I dunno... I just... did you mean it 'oward?'

'Mean what?'

'That you were tired of being around me?'

'No, of course not,' Howard replied, slightly startled by the question.

'Why did you say it then?'

'It was just the heat of the moment, the fire o' the fight; you say things you don't mean, and people get burned,'

'You said it like you meant it, Howard,' Vince replied, 'and you walked out and didn't even tell me where you were...'

'Yeah, I know, I'm sorry,' Howard replied, 'and I mean that,' he tried to change the subject before it came to the jazz club, 'I've never seen you quite as angry as you were just a minute ago,'

''E dissed my garments,' Vince replied.

Another silence occurred, but Vince used it to plan his next question carefully, ''Oward?'

'Yeah?'

'If... if... if... if something bad was 'appening... I mean, if you had a problem with somethin', or somethin'... would you tell me about it?'

Howard kept his eyes trained on the road, 'Yes,' he replied impassively.

Vince just knew that Howard knew what he was getting at.

Howard cleared his throat awkwardly, 'Unless it was really bad, and the thing was going to harm you... then I'd probably try and sort the problem myself,'

'But... you tell me everything, and I always try to help you,'

'Yeah well you can't help this problem, not this time,' Howard blurted in a mumble.

'What?'

'I said there isn't this time. Anything you can help me with,'

Vince didn't answer.

'Do you want Numan on?' Howard asked.

'What?' Vince raised both eyebrows. He would have been surprised if Howard hadn't obviously been trying to distract him; there was always usually an argument when it came to what music they put on in the van, and if Naboo and Bollo were present, all four of them verbally fought. It was always anyone's game, whoever nagged the loudest won.

'Er, yeah,' Vince nodded, staring at the back of Howard's seat as _Cars _began to play. He couldn't help smiling wistfully as he remembered the last time the song had been playing.

_It had been a late night not too long ago, and Howard had been sitting moodily behind a large jazz book, as 'Cars' played for what must've been the fifth time in a row and Vince ran into the living room in all his silver and gold._

'_Are you gonna turn that racket off now?' Howard asked, looking up._

'_Tha's me gettin' ready music,' Vince had told him, ''Ow do I look?'_

'_You look like a futuristic tin man,'_

_Vince had laughed, running over to Howard from behind and wrapping his arms around his neck._

'_Don't touch me Vince!'_

_Vince had sighed, 'Sorry,'_

'_Just so I know; where do I fit in, in this whole equation, eh?' Howard had asked over the top of 'Cars'._

'_What are you on about?' Vince had laughed, pulling shapes to the music._

'_I mean where do I fit in, in general,' Howard had answered, 'Me and you?'_

_Vince had frozen in a shape, and pulled his red lips into a dazzling smile, his eyes lighting up mischievously like the blue neon lights he had above his bed that Howard often complained irritated his eyes, 'You're my Northern chauffeur,'_

'_Yeah, I thought you'd say something like that,' Howard had replied, 'And you're... a cockney tart,'_

_Vince had laughed outright and ran at Howard again, and Howard had actually let him hug him for all of four seconds, which was something of a small miracle before:_

'_Don't touch me Sir!'_

When they finally arrived back at the _Nabootique, _Howard climbed out of the driver's seat and found Vince fast asleep in the back.

'Little Man?' he whispered, reaching in and lightly tapping Vince on the shoulder, 'C'mon,'

Vince yawned and sat up, 'Eh?'

'We're home,' Howard replied.

At that moment, Naboo came out of the _Nabootique, _his usually unreadable expressions clear as the night: amusement and aggravation all at once, 'You won't believe what's going on in 'ere,'

'What?' Howard asked, Vince standing sleepily behind him.

Naboo looked at Vince, 'I dunno how to break it to you,' he drew in a sharp breath to express the awkwardness of the situation, 'Just come and have a look. In fact, Howard have a look first, we might need you to restrain Vince cos he's probably gonna go feral,'

Slightly apprehensively, Howard opened the _Nabootique _door and peered round.

There, sitting at the counter in the barber's chair was Lance Dior, head in his hands. He looked up when he saw Howard, staring at him with blue eyes.

Howard was already holding onto Vince before he had even seen who it was, and when he had, he held on even tighter.

'What are you doin' here!' Vince cried, struggling, 'you've gotta be jokin'!'

Howard had never felt quite as tired as he did at that moment, 'Vince, please...' he said wearily.

Lance just watched him, 'I'm not here to copy you...'

Vince stopped, just plain tired of it all, noticing the tears that were starting to run down Lance's face, 'What then?' then he realised something, 'Where's the other one o' you?'

Lance shook his head, 'I don't know... I was just wondering if you've seen him.'

'No,' Vince replied curtly, 'I ain't,'

Lance stood up and headed towards them, 'I didn't think you would have... no one's seen him for two days... we had a fight...'

Vince, feeling like Lance's story was all too familiar, gave an almost inaudible livid growl which Howard almost laughed at but the atmosphere of the current situation stopped him.

'It was about me,' Lance explained, looking warily at Vince, just in case he slapped him around the face or something, 'Me being you, not being myself... I don't know where's he's gone and I never even got to say sorry...'

Vince just blinked, wondering why his furious feelings were softening to ones of pity, maybe because the story was so similar to himself and Howard.

'I'll go now...' Lance continued.

'Why did you come here?' Vince found himself saying, keeping his position in the doorway and tugging lightly at Howard's jacket to keep him in place as he moved to let Lance get past, 'You know 'e wouldn't 'ave come 'ere,'

Lance looked at the floor, 'I know... I just...' he looked up at Howard wistfully, 'Bye... then...'

Howard moved aside, not unkindly, not being able to help feeling slightly sorry for him.

'Well,'

Both Howard and Vince had completely forgotten Naboo was still in the room, standing by Stationary Village with his arms folded, 'That was entertaining...'

Vince just shook his head and stormed past.

'Vince...' Howard called.

'M'goin' to bed!' Vince called back, a slight tremor in his voice.

Howard looked at Naboo, 'What should I do?'

'About what?' Naboo said.

'Everything...' Howard sighed.

'We'll sort it, yeah?' Naboo told him, showing a surprising amount of reassurance to Howard, 'We always do, don't we?'

***

Howard had insomnia. Whenever he got overly stressed, he got an attack of insomnia. He sat up, running his hands through his hair, sitting so that his legs were over the side of the bed.

''Oward?' Came Vince's sleepy voice.

'It's alright,' Howard whispered, with a sigh, 'Go back to sleep Little Man,'

'Wassa matta?' Vince mumbled.

'Just can't sleep, that's all...'

'Can... Can I come sit with you?'

'Yeah,' Howard replied, switching on the light so that Vince could make his way across the room without falling over any of his various amounts of shoes.

Vince, in a tight black vest and blue pants crawled his way onto Howard's bed, sitting so that he was facing Howard as he got back into bed again, peering out at him from under his fringe.

'It's been a night,' he said, with a slight laugh.

'Mmm...' Howard agreed, 'A hell of a night,'

There was a pause, the usual awkward pause that made them feel the gap between them getting further and further apart. The pause that made Vince want to hug Howard and say 'Let's start again! Let's forget it! Let's go back to 'ow it was in the Zooniverse!'

Almost as if he could sense Vince tensed to spring forward and hug him, Howard moved back slightly, leaning his head against the headboard.

'Lance...' he said, slowly, and carefully, as he if he was carrying a stack of china plates.

'Lance!' Vince repeated, loudly, 'What about 'im!'

Howard dropped the plates and they all shattered into millions of pieces, 'I was just thinking...' he trailed off.

'What, y'mean about the fact that 'e's done practically the same as what we've done, 'Oward?' Vince ran a hand through his hair, ''Ow twisted is 'e? 'E's even mimicking all the bad things that 'appen to us!'

'I don't think he is,' Howard replied, 'He was crying, Vince,'

Vince drew his knees up to his chest and looked down at his feet, '... I really don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't come back... I mean, 'e ain't really me 'Oward, 'e could cope if _Harold _weren't there...'

'You don't know that,' Howard replied.

When Vince suddenly snapped his head up to look at Howard, the maverick was surprised to see that his eyes were shining with tears.

'Oh Vince, please don't cry,' Howard ran a hand through his hair, 'I can't... I've had enough,'

'What,' Vince sneered through his tears, 'of me?!'

'No!' Howard hissed back, starting to loose his usual calmness, 'No! I've had enough of this! I've had enough of us saying things and getting the wrong end of the stick!'

Vince started to sob and bit down on his lip.

'It was a stupid thing to say!' Howard continued, 'I could never be tired of you Vince! If I could go back in bloody time and _shoot_ my old self just before I said it and put myself in his place I would! Because I dunno what I'd bloody do if you weren't here either sir! I'd probably be alone and miserable! And I wouldn't be half as crazy as what I am now! I know all the words to every bloody Gary Numan song and I don't even like electro!'

Vince started to laugh and cry at the same time, spluttering for breath, and he gave a cry of alarm when Howard grabbed him and pulled him into a tight embrace, growling with a mixture of exasperation and aggravation, 'You stupid bloody electro bitch!'

Vince had both hands gripping Howard's nightshirt and he was still sobbing and laughing.

'What the hell are you doing?' Howard asked, starting to laugh too, 'Crying or laughing?'

'I don't know...' Vince managed to choke.

Howard rubbed his back, 'Well please don't cry...'

Vince pressed his hands to his eyes, but he just couldn't stop; he was sad about the fact that he and Howard had grown so far apart, he was confused about Lance, and he was just plain worn out from the whole day. Plus, he was surprised that Howard was hugging him so affectionately, without flinching, or muttering '_don't touch me_' or any of the silly things he usually did, and it was such a show of affection after all their crazy arguments that it made him feel even worse.

'Shh...' Howard sighed, 'Yeah, sometimes you make things difficult and you run about in ponchos and capes when I'm running the shop all by myself, you insult my eyes, you tire me out some days, but that doesn't mean I'd change any of it, they're some of the things that make you Vince Noir...'

Vince sniffled. After a few minutes, he gave Howard a reassuring squeeze, and started to make his way back to his own bed.

''Oward?' he turned out the light

'Yeah?'

Howard froze as a bundle of skinny limbs lunged themselves at him and feather-light hair tickled his cheek as Vince planted a kiss on the side of his face.

'G'night 'Oward,' Vince's silhouette could just be made out in the moonlight as he ran back to his own bed.

'Erm, yeah,' Howard mumbled, '... er... Goodnight Little Man...'

Silence commenced.

'Ah, the moonlight's goin' in me eyes! Well out of order!'

'Then shut the curtains sir! Oh, and you know; don't touch me again,'

'Shouldn't you 'ave told me all that jazz about five minutes ago?'

'Touché sir. And don't bring jazz into it,'

_I'm da moon._

_You know, when you are da moon..._

_An' it's really really late?_

_I do._

_It gets really borin' cos all da other planets go to sleep, an' I 'ave to stay up on ma own._

_Nothin' really ever 'appens in the late night times... _

_The other night, Saturn, 'e got up to do a wee and fell over 'is own rings, an' that was like... the 'ightlight o' the nights so far._

_I'm da moon._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Apologies for these chapters being so late, I had to call in the Yeti Brigade to remove the neon yeti from my lounge. Place has been a madhouse, they've tracked mud into the carpet. Well out of order.

I have to say, I'm not too fond of this chapter...

**Disclaimer: **Ownership? No sir.

When Howard woke up early the next morning, as usual, made himself a coffee and headed down into the _Nabootique, _he found Naboo already up and glowering over another huge and dusty looking spell book.

The small shaman looked up and frowned, 'How old did this thing say it was? It's not even in any of my bloody books,'

'I don't know...' Howard said, clutching his coffee cup.

'And what was all that shouting about last night? Sounded like someone was crying?'

'Yeah... it was Vince...' Howard sighed, 'He knows, Naboo, he knows I'm lying,'

'Yeah, well, you should have thought up a better lie, shouldn't you, you shouldn't have just strolled in, in the early hours and stated that you'd been in a jazz club for... what? A day,' he turned the page and cast his hazel eyes over the ancient text, shaking his head, 'Was it only a day? Vince really missed you; he was acting like you'd been gone _weeks_,'

'I didn't know what else to say...' Howard replied, 'I can't lie to Vince...'

'Why not?'

'It's his eyes, they're like big bloody search lights sir,' Howard demonstrated with his own eyes, 'Stare right through your soul,'

'I can't believe you've done this,' Naboo replied, 'I've read so many books my eyes feel like they're gonna fall out. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to talk to strangers?'

'I didn't talk to it!' Howard exclaimed, a little too loudly, 'Why would I have done that? I had an absolute hell of a time, and now-'

'Whassa matta?' Vince stood in the doorway in a long black fluffy dressing gown with red crescent moons and stars on, blinking sleepily.

Howard looked at Naboo, 'It's nothing, Vince,' he muttered, 'what are you doing up so early?'

'I had a bad dream that I was in some well ugly clothes in the middle o' Kentish Town. Charlie was there... then it got a bit weird... something to do with a giant shoe...'

'I was just telling Howard that he's done a shoddy job of the stocktaking. I'm making him do it again, you get the morning off,' Naboo deadpanned.

Howard stared at Naboo, aghast.

And so Vince had the morning off, and found himself wandering around Dalston, pulling his arms into his studded jacket against the cold.

He wandered around for quite a while, pondering what Howard could have possibly done that meant he had to lie, stopping only once to talk to a duck named Albert who had flown in by the park.

It wasn't long after that that he heard the unmistakable voice of Lance Dior call:

'Wait!'

He dug his heel into the ground and clenched his jaw as he heard Lance's platform heels clomping on the ground behind him, the exact same pair of platform heels that he himself was wearing.

'What do you want?' he spun around, glaring.

Lance was also in the same pair of skinny jeans and an almost identical studded jacket, if it hadn't been for the fact that it was white, and Vince's was silver.

Vince scoffed, 'You said you weren't copyin' me?' he looked him up and down, and pointed at the jacket with an expression on his face like he was pointing at a dog that had just dragged it's bum along the carpet, 'That is exactly why I didn't get the white one; it don't go wi' the jeans,'

His brain cell stopped shredding memos- that were covered in doodles, chewed at the ends and slightly scorched with some words burnt off after the incident with the matchstick- once marked: **IMPORTANT, DO NOT SHRED, EAT, OR DOODLE ON!**

And now marked: **SHRED, EAT, DOODLE ON!**

And rang up the secretary, demanding to know why Vince was giving Lance style tips.

Lance looked at the ground, 'I've lost Harold and-'

'What d'you want me to do about it?!' Vince exclaimed, running a hand through his hair, 'I bet you're just doing this as some kind o' twisted scheme to copy me an' 'Oward! I don't even know how you managed to find out Howard left!'

'I saw you that night, when he came out of your shop and you said you loved 'im, but-'

Vince sprung forward and seized Lance by the lapels of his jacket, 'Why don't you nick off before-'

'But the same thing happened to me and Harold!' Lance snapped, pushing Vince away, 'Only I left and that's why I saw you!'

Vince held up his hands, feeling his blood reaching boiling point, 'Just get away from me, before you meet the end o' me boot! You might be wearin' 'em, but I know 'ow to use 'em!'

'I just want to know if Howard saw 'im!'

Vince lunged forward, grabbed Lance by the scruff of his jacket, and started to drag him up the streets of Dalston towards the _Nabootique_, 'You wanna ask 'Oward? Let's go then!'

***

Meanwhile, in the _Nabootique_, Harold Boon sat beside Howard Moon at the shop counter, and Naboo stood glaring at them both, not having the foggiest idea as to what was going on.

'Too many ballbags in the shop this morning...' Bollo grunted in the corner.

Naboo massaged his temples wearily and pointed at Harold, 'Right, you're here because...'

'I'm here because I'm looking for Lance and that... _thing_, whatever it was, said something about you...' Harold gestured to Howard, 'And I thought that you might know more about it,'

'How can I know more about it?' Howard frowned at his impostor, 'All I know is that it's after Vince,'

'It's after Lance,' Harold replied.

Naboo gave an aggravated sigh, 'I'll have to close the pissing shop, won't I? Moon, Boon; get your arses up to the flat... Bollo go with 'em...'

Naboo watched the three of them mooch their way up the stairs, 'Ballbags...' he muttered, before heading to flick the sign over to _Closed_.

It was at that moment that he saw Vince dragging Lance up the road, both of them yelling obscenities.

'Oh for shit sake...' Naboo growled, opening the door and sticking his head out, 'What the 'ell is going on?'

Vince dragged Lance into the shop and pushed him roughly, so that he stumbled into the counter, ''E wants to ask 'Oward a little question!'

'Can't he just ask Harold?' Naboo deadpanned.

'What?' Lance turned to face Naboo, 'What d'you mean?'

'All you ballbags follow me...' Naboo sighed, heading up the stairs to the flat, followed by Vince and Lance who were trying to shove one another out of the way.

The first thing that Lance and Vince exclaimed as they got into the living room was.

'What are you doin' with 'im!'

'Lance!' Harold stood up.

'What did you think you were playing at?' Lance cried.

Bollo, who had been sitting on the sofa between them, acting as a hairy partition rolled his eyes.

''Oward, why were you with 'im!' Vince exclaimed, 'What is 'e doin' 'ere?'

'I wasn't,' Howard protested, explaining that they were talking about jazz at the same moment that Harold was explaining to Lance that they had been in a jazz club.

'You were in a jazz club with 'im!' Both Lance and Vince cried.

The living room basically erupted into a free-for-all.

Irritated beyond belief, Naboo started to turn his back

'_No, Naboo!_' everyone cried.

A silence commenced, everyone muttering apologies to Naboo's steely back on occasion:

'Oh... Naboo...'

'Naboo?'

'Naboolio?'

'Please, we're sorry?'

'I'd like to apologise on behalf of all of us...'

After his ears had stopped ringing and a few minutes after that, just to make sure they really got the message, Naboo turned back.

'And let that be a lesson to you all,' the shaman frowned and took a breath, 'Right, there's some bad juju going on, and the only way this is gonna get sorted out now that everyone's involved is if everyone's sure about what's going on...'

There was a mumble of agreement.

'Oi!' Naboo snapped, 'put a flippin' sock in it, I haven't finished talking yet!'

There was a mutter of apology and an angry grunt from Bollo.

'Is this going to be long? I have to DJ in about five minutes...' the gorilla grumbled.

The small and feisty shaman continued, 'But I don't want you ballbags explaining it here. I want Lance and Harold to go home and talk there, and I want Vince and Howard to go somewhere and do the same. I'm gonna look in the rest of my books and I need bloody silence to do it in. Alright?'

Four somewhat identical heads nodded in unison.

'Right then,' Naboo waved a hand, 'Get out of my sight before I turn my back on you. Tomorrow we'll meet at ten in the night and try and sort this out,'

***

Howard waited until it was night to tell Vince the truth. The whole of the rest of the day, Vince had been worn out and oddly quiet, wondering what had happened.

They sat side by side, Vince yawning in the moonlight.

'The moon's bright tonight,' Howard said.

_I'm da moon._

_You know that song...?_

_That one that goes:_

_Ten green bottles, sitting on the wall,_

_Ten green bottles... sitting on da wall..._

_And if one green bottle should accidentally fall..._

_They'll be nine green bottles... sitting on da wall?_

_Yeah. Well what if the man comes to put them in da bottle bank?_

_I'm da moon._

'What is 'e all about?' Vince asked, bemused, peering up at the sky through his hair.

Howard shook his head.

Vince turned to face Howard, 'Are you gonna tell me what's going on now? I knew you were lying, you know...'

'I know,' Howard replied, with a sigh, 'But... well I still don't know how to tell you now...'

'Just tell me,' Vince replied, 'I mean what 'asn't been said on the roof?'

'You remember when I walked out... and you said you...' Howard trailed off.

Vince nodded.

'Well, after that, I just remember walking down the street and then nothing,' Howard took another breath, it somehow seemed worse now he was talking about it again, 'I woke up in the dark, in some kind of... I don't know; I was locked up somewhere, cos there were metal bars...' he ran a hand through his curls, 'And this thing... I don't know what it was, I only heard it's voice, it kept saying that you have something that it wants... and that you had to be punished, and the only way it was going to let me go is if I brought it what it wanted, which is you, sir... so I said I would, Vince, and I'm sorry, it wouldn't let me go... I thought that if I said yes Naboo would be able to stop it, but it's not in any of his books...' Howard ran both hands through his hair, 'I'm so sorry Little Man...'

Vince continued to stare at Howard with wide eyes.

'It said your name, and it said Lance's... Howard said, not being able to look at Vince.

At first, Vince didn't know what to say, then his brain cell, who had been watching the conversation back, paused the tape and switched on the '_**Idea' **_light bulb.

'If it said Lance's name too, why didn't you say you'd give it 'im?'

'I did,' Howard replied, 'But it knew; it _knew_ that I didn't know Lance, it's like it's been watching...'

Vince stood up. He looked at the moon. He looked at Howard, 'Look, yeah, I know you didn't 'ave much of a choice... but... it's not your fault... I just want you to... just keep away from me for a bit...' Vince muttered, 'I don't feel like talking...' he went inside, in search of Naboo.

Howard sighed, and looked up at the moon, 'I don't suppose the moon's got any ideas?'

_I'm da moon._

_Three little men in a flying saucer flew round da moon one day-_

_They didn't go round da world cos they'd already been an' it was 'orrible,_

_They looked left and right but they didn't like da sight, so both of them flew...away._

_You know why they flew away?_

_It was because I mooned. They kept flying round me, an' I got annoyed cos I was in da middle of being da moon, so I mooned._

_Heh heh heh! Da moon mooned!_

_I'm da moon._

'I thought not...' Howard sighed.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** Hello! I apologise for the lateness and shortness of this chapter but my computer has died on me; (I have tried turning it off and on again) the keys of the keyboard are all scrambled, it's almost impossible to type. :(((((

**Disclaimer:** No Boosh possession.

The third china object to be dropped that afternoon, by Vince, shattered all over the floor; the other two objects had been cups, and they had only forfeited their handles, but this was a plate, and it broke into tiny shards which littered the kitchen floor like hazardous confetti.

Vince stood frozen, looking around at the mess, marooned in his little square of the floor that was apparently tableware free. He ran a trembling hand through his hair.

'Vince!' Howard appeared in the doorway, and swept his eyes over the scene.

Naboo poked his head around the door, 'Shit...'

Vince, still trembling, shook his head, 'I dunno; it was an accident... I thought I heard something and I just dropped it...'

Naboo and Howard shared a look.

'Fetch the bloody dustpan...' Naboo sighed. 'Vince, I think you better come out of the kitchen now, yeah? Before you cost us a fortune in cutlery,' he added, before returning to the study of several books.

Howard avoided Vince's eyes and pointed to the cupboard, 'It's under the sink there...' that was the first words he had said to Vince since last night on the roof.

Vince reached across and handed Howard the dustpan and brush.

Howard set to work with nothing more than a quiet sigh.

'Check there's none in your shoes...' He mumbled when he had finished, catching Vince's glance for a split second.

Vince did so, finding nothing, 'Cheers Howard...' he stopped in the doorway suddenly, on his way out, 'I didn't mean that sarcastically, I meant-'

'I know,' Howard nodded.

Vince headed into the living room, where Naboo was frowning into yet another book. The Nabootique had been closed for the day, due to their current dilemma.

'You'd be surprised how many things that lurk about in the dark have fiery eyes and a voice like melted glass...' the shaman sighed.

'Unless it's all just one thing,' Vince murmured from the sofa, 'A huge and evil thing with fiery eyes and melted glass for a voice that runs about in Chelsea Boots being evil, and no-one's ever been able to stop it for centuries...'

'I really can't do much without more information,' Naboo said, grimly, 'and stop letting your imagination run away with you; it's feet are probably too big to fit in Chelsea Boots,'

Vince looked frightened.

Naboo smiled slightly, 'don't worry, I'm just pulling your leg, we'll sort it, yeah? I promise,' he shut the book, 'I've got to go and pick up Bollo in a minute, and the other ballbags...' he added, rolling his eyes as if he'd only just realised the fact, 'Saboo's carpet's broken down; it's a better model than mine but it's broken down more times in a week than ours has in a year... As soon as I get back I'll keep looking for more suspects, alright?'

Vince nodded, eyes still uncertain. When Naboo left and he was on his own in the living room, he realised just how paranoid the knowledge that this thing was after him was making him. Every little noise he heard, every little shadow...

'Vince? There you are,'

'Ah!' Vince curled up on the sofa at the sudden sound of the mystery voice, hiding his face in one of the cushions as if it would somehow make him invisible to whatever fiend was preying on him. However, seeing as the mystery fiend had a Leeds accent and presented him with a cup of hot chocolate he had a feeling that it wasn't much of a mystery fiend after all, but Howard Moon.

Vince sat up with a sigh, and took the steaming cup of hot chocolate from him, 'Cheers... I thought you were a... How did you know I wanted this?'

Howard shrugged and gave a small smile, 'Just did...'

An uncomfortable silence fidgeted about in the room for a bit.

Howard cleared his throat and his eyes did their marbles-in-a-pan impression, 'Erm, I'll er, be in the kitchen...'

Vince sighed in frustration and abruptly leaned his head back against the pillow once Howard had left; now things were even worse between them. Even now, when he knew that Vince didn't want to talk to him, Howard still tried to be nice to him. Vince took a cautious sip of his hot chocolate, noting that it was in his favourite mug and placed it on the floor beside him. Perhaps that was it; perhaps Howard was just too nice. Or perhaps they spent too much time together? But then being apart never worked did it, Vince mused; one always ended up cautiously creeping back to the other like a scolded puppy with a lame excuse for its mischief tucked into its collar.

Vince sat forward and ran both hands through his hair. So maybe it was that Howard was too nice to him, and in response he acted the opposite, always just playing up and never doing anything nice back, not noticing half the stuff Howard did for him? Was that partly it?

His brain cell, wondering why Vince's train of thought had taken so long to pull into the right station, rolled its eyes and boarded, fed up with the constant delays these trains of thought always seemed to have. The brain cell opened up a rather large glittery briefcase, took out a flag with 'Last Week Tuesday's Incident' written on it and started waving it around as the train of thought began to pull out of the station.

Vince suddenly remembered last week Tuesday's incident with the Camden girl:

'_She chucked me...' Vince said, for what had to be the fifth time that night, from the backseat of the campervan. The only thing that seemed to be holding him upright was his seatbelt. _

'_Vince,' Howard sighed, tired eyes on the road, 'I wondered where you were Sir. It's the middle of the night, it was a difficult gig, you're tired, I'm tired, and it's not the end of the world,'_

'_For you it's not!' Vince snapped back, 'No-one chucks me 'Oward, 'm Vince Noir-'_

'_Rock n' Roll Star,' Howard finished with a sigh, 'I know. You weren't supposed to be wandering off getting drunk and picking up Camden girls and boys anyway, were you?' _

'_I'm not drunk!' Vince retorted, 'I can't believe I've been chucked again! First you an' now 'er!'_

_Howard didn't comment._

'_What, am I not pretty anymore?' Vince asked, 'Flipsakes Howard, it's all over if m' not pretty anymore! Tha's all I've got!'_

'_It's not all you've got, is it sir?' Howard replied. It was more of a statement than a question._

'_So you admit, m' not pretty anymore then?' Vince replied._

_Howard cleared his throat awkwardly, 'Vince, you're drunk. Please don't ask me stupid questions when we're on the road, okay?'_

'_It's not a stupid question Howard! And I ain't drunk!'_

_Howard just sighed again, exasperatedly, 'It's a question you know the answer to sir,'_

''_Ow can I know the answer?' Vince asked, sounding on the brink of panic, 'I can't see me!'_

'_Look in a mirror then,'_

'_I ain't got a mirror,'_

'_You haven't got a mirror?'_

'_I ain't got a mirror,'_

'_**You**__ haven't got a mirror,'_

'_I ain't got a- Howard!'_

'_You're beautiful, like you've always been! Always the better looking one, always the stylish one, even if you wore a bin bag. There you go, that what you wanted to hear is it?' Howard blurted, almost all in one sentence._

_Vince smiled, 'Not sure about the bin bag bit, Small Eyes,'_

'_Let's just hope your mobile phone hasn't gone walkabout with your multitude of mirrors, sir, cos the way you're going, we'll be needing to ring the AA in a minute,' Howard replied, glancing at Vince in the mirror._

_Howard was nice to him even when he was being silly; he said things just to make him happy, didn't he?_ Vince reached down and picked up his hot chocolate. _Or maybe he felt he had to tell him he was pretty and stuff to stop him kicking off._ His brain cell threw the flag down in aggravation as Vince completely missed the point and the train of thought took a detour to Nowhere City.

Later, when he came into the kitchen with his empty cup, Howard was leaning with his back up against the counter, arms folded, looking down at his shoes.

'Alright?' Vince put the cup on the side.

Howard looked at it momentarily, surprised that Vince had actually brought it out. He was usually telling him not to leave crockery about the place: '_Vince, this here is Crockery Gardens; mugs go on the mug tree, they don't lie about the flat,'_

Vince's response: _'Howard, what are you on about; Stationery Village, Crockery Gardens...? I'm surprised you ain't made yer own little map...' _

'You didn't come an' sit down,' Vince said.

'I didn't want to bother you,' Howard answered.

An awkward silence took the opportunity to flaunt itself around the kitchen.

'Howard...?' Vince studied the decoration on the sleeve of his cobalt blue top.  
'Yeah?'

'What if Naboo can't help...?'

'Do you have any idea how guilty I feel?' Howard asked suddenly.

Vince blinked, and looked up at him.

'Do you not think that all those questions and worse are going through my mind?' Howard didn't look up from his shoes. He hadn't since Vince had come in.

Vince spotted Howard's hand creeping around to his wrist in preparation for a Chinese burn and he reached out and grabbed his arm, 'don't do that, you berk,' he sighed.

Howard looked slightly startled.

'D'you think I don't know what you're doing?' Vince edged closer, waiting for the typical '_Don't touch me_'.

Howard didn't say anything, just continued to stare at his shoes.

Vince smiled softly and squeezed Howard's arm, 'Ain't you gonna say 'don't touch me?''

Howard still didn't look up, 'It should be you saying that to me, shouldn't it, after what I've done...'

'Don't be silly,' Vince said.

'I'm really sorry Vince, I'm an idiot... I thought-'

'Howard, Howard, Howard....' Vince held up his free hand, 'It's alright...'

Howard was still looking at his shoes.

'Come here...' Vince sighed. He let go of Howard's arm to put his arms around the taller man's waist.

Howard didn't say '_don't touch me!_' or leap away in horror, which was good sign. Vince leaned his head against Howard's chest.

'It'll be alright, yeah? I know you didn't mean it, you don't 'ave to worry about that,' he told him.

Howard put an arm around Vince's shoulders.

_You know, it's not easy being da moon._

_People say, they say, oh I could do that, I could be da moon and the job is quite easy, just hanging in da sky like a big Cashew nut or a cheese..._

_But it's hard work when da people come to visit, in da rocket. They stomp around with their big feet, an' it gives me a headache._

_They stuck a flag in me. _

_I said to 'em, 'why did you do that, that's really hurt!' but they didn't listen._

_Rude. _

_I used to have a man for that, a man who sorted out the people that come up for a visit in da rockets,_

_Da man in da moon..._

_But he kept wantin' to go to Earth, an' I said to 'im 'don't go down yet, it's too soon!' _

'_E didn't listen an' Jupiter told me that apparently he went down to da Earth and burnt 'is mouth on a wooden spoon, the berk._

_I'm da moon._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** **Wow, chapter nine. I wasn't expecting to do this many chapters! Sorry if it falls apart at the end, I got sidetracked watching Zimbani. Hm. Indeed.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own The Mighty Boosh. But do I really not own The Mighty Boosh...? Yeah, I don't.**

'Ewwwwwwwh, this is an outrage, I'll be puking up on me own tentacles again if you don't slow down, squire, and you won't like that, I can tell you-'

'Shut up, Harrison!' Saboo turned to Harrison, who sat beside him on the carpet, hands curling into fists, 'Enough of your relentless harrying or I will throw your clefty bonce overboard!'

'Oh shut it, Saboo, you feathery ballbag, that's always your way, isn't it, playin' dirty, throwing me overboard! Too afraid to fight like a man!' Harrison waved his tentacles and nearly fell backwards.

'Ha!' Saboo clapped his gloved hands, 'Hilarious! I won't even have to lift a finger if you throw your_self_ overboard!'

'In a minute,' Bollo said, 'Bollo going to go a bit mental...'

Kirk, sitting at the back, rolled his eyes.

'There's too many people on this carpet,' Harrison griped, 'We'll all fall off in a minute!'

'I think you'll find that you will be meeting the Crunch quite some time before this carpet

comes down if you keep acting like the ballbag that you are, Tony Harrison,'

'Will you just shut up, you two?' Naboo snapped, 'I've got loads more important things to be worrying about, yeah!'

'Meddling in mortal affairs again, are we, Naboo?' Saboo raised an eyebrow.

Dennis was usually a patient and clam man in situations like this; he had to be, there was a lot of them, but today just hadn't been that good a day; his wife had a lot of things going on that were making her moody with him, and he was pretty sure that he would throw _himself_ off the carpet if he heard another peep out of anybody,

'I swear to the Crunch,' he said, making everyone fall silent, 'If I hear one more _morsel_ of bickering, I will reach back there and so help me I'll wring the necks of everyone aboard!'

'Whoa,' Saboo held up his hands, 'Whoa there, Denzoid,'

'Yeah, what's got into you?' Harrison inquired.

'Please,' Dennis massaged his temples, 'It's been a bit of a day so far, I'm sorry for my outburst, I just...'

Sighing, and trying his hardest to block out the rest of the conversation, Naboo looked up at the moon; what time was it now? He needed to get home at least half an hour before it was ten o'clock so that he could look for this mystery monster.

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_Oh! Is it me?_

_You know, when you are da moon, if you 'ave an argument with Venus or Mars or anyone, you can't just go away, cos you are da moon, you can't, you can't just leave your station!_

_There was a rumour going round, about Uranus, an' I didn't start it but 'e thought I did an' we 'ad a big fight. _

_It was awful, the neighbours done a complaint._

_I'm da moon._

In the kitchen, back at the flat, the square plastic blue clock from Vince and Howard's bedroom that had somehow found its way into the kitchen read **9:30**

Vince and Howard were both sitting on the floor, Howard with his head buried in the crevice of his knee-caps that were pulled up to his chest, and Vince sitting close beside him, his hand on Howard's arm.

'C'mon, Howard...' he said quietly.

They had resorted to looking in the books that Naboo had left lying on the table themselves, but most of them were in Xooberonish, which made it difficult, and now they were scattered about the floor as well.

Vince sighed and lifted a curl of the maverick's hair, 'Yer 'air's gettin' long... m' gonna have to do some midnight barbering again, ain't I?' he said softly, 'Unless you want the poet look?'

Howard remained as he was and Vince sighed and moved to crouch in front of Howard, 'Please don't be all upset...' he murmured, kneeling, 'Otherwise I'll get all upset an' then Naboo'll come in an' we'll both be in tears...' he laughed a little, and put his hands either side of Howard's arms, wondering if Howard minded him breaking the 'don't touch me' rule.

'Naboo'll be back in a minute, won't e'?' He continued, 'an even if he don't find anything an' this thing comes here looking for me, I'm not just gonna let it carry me away like a glittery handbag, am I? I'll get me Nicky Clarke's out,'

Howard gave the smallest of chuckles and looked up a little into a pair of bright blue eyes.

Vince smiled at him, 'I don't think I've ever seen you have a bit of a cry like this before; it's really quite sweet actually, but it makes me feel like my new best outfit, mirrorball suit and all me accessories have been thrown into an incinerator, so please, don't do it again, Howard,' he stood up and held out his hand, 'C'mon, get up; let's put Naboo's books back otherwise he'll do his nut,'

Vince pulled Howard to his feet and then gave an alarmed cry as the Northerner wrapped his arms around him, crushing him to his chest in a tight embrace.

'Howard, Howard, Howard!'

'Mm?'

'I can't breathe...'

'Oh God,' Howard let go, 'I'm sorry, I just...' he didn't want to imagine what things would be like if something happened to Vince.

Vince smiled, 'It's alright, just remember I'm like a twiglet if you wanna hug me next time, and you're a big Northern... tree,' he winked and Howard laughed as Vince hurried off into the living room with an armful of Naboo's books.

'Charming, sir,'

Seconds later Naboo arrived at the flat.

'Who's been at my stuff? Have you 'ad my books out on the floor?'

Howard and Vince looked at one another.

'I'll take that as a yes,' The Shaman shook his head, a small smile flickering across his lips for a second. He nodded at Howard, noticing his eyes that were slightly red, 'What's the matter?'

'Oh, er... nothing, it's just... dusty books,' Howard replied.

Vince nodded.

'Right,' Naboo raised an eyebrow, 'Anyway, let's have a proper look at these before those ballbags get here and see if we can find anything,'

Things were looking considerably bleak when the plastic cube clock red **10:15 **and there was still no sign of Lance, Harold or a suspect in the book that looked or sounded enough like the demon they were after.

Vince had settled himself on the sofa and fallen asleep, but Howard, Naboo and Bollo were still surrounded by books. It was like playing an absurd game of _Guess Who?_

'I gotta bad feeling about this,' Bollo said quietly, turning to Naboo, 'What if...'

Naboo nodded, 'I didn't think it would be, but maybe...'

'Hello?' Howard frowned, 'Maybe what?'

Naboo pursed his lips, looking at Howard grimly, 'We'll have to talk in the kitchen,'

Sighing inwardly, Howard wondered how things could possibly be any worse and followed Naboo into the kitchen, leaving Bollo to stay with Vince.

'There's another book,' Naboo told him, 'that only contains demons that are locked wherever they are, think of them liked trapped spirits. They can't really be stopped but they can be put to rest again. I didn't think it could be one of those types of demons cos I can't see what Vince an' Lance would 'ave done to disturb it...'

'We have to look in that book,' Howard said, 'Where is it?'

'That's the thing,' Naboo replied, 'I can't just get my hands on it like that; it's in the hands of the Board of Shaman. They'll go mental if they find out that one of those has been released; they're the most dangerous demons...'

Howard shut his eyes wearily, 'Meaning?'

'Meaning we're going up Crap Creek without a paddle,' Naboo replied, hand on his hip, 'I don't mean to make you worry but this is bad juju. You an' Vince might even have to leave for a bit until I can sort it. It might have got them other two ballbags but it won't do anything terrible unless it's got all of its victims,'

'Leave?' Howard said, trying to keep his voice at a whisper, 'Where are we going to go?'

Naboo blinked, 'Well, we'll have to sort that as well...'

A few minutes later, Howard headed back into the living room, allowing Naboo and Bollo to go and discuss how they were going to get their hands on the book. He looked at Vince sleeping on the sofa; he didn't look peaceful like he always did when he slept, he was frowning.

He didn't want things to be like this, he didn't want to be arguing with Vince or see him upset. You didn't upset Vince, he was Vince Noir, the Sunshine Kid; he wasn't supposed to get upset. He wanted everything to go back to how it usually was; he wanted to wake Vince up and tell him that everything was alright and the demon was gone and that they weren't going to have to spend tomorrow packing their bags and trying to find somewhere to go.

Vince suddenly cried out and sprang awake, sitting bolt upright, gasping for air.

Howard rushed over to him, kneeling by the sofa and rubbing his back in small circles, 'Hey, hey, it's alright, just relax, you're just dreaming, Vince,' he said.

Vince's breathing started to become less fast, and he blinked as he saw spots in front of his eyes. Turning to look at Howard, he saw the look of worry on his friend's face and smiled reassuringly.

'Are you alright?' Howard asked.

'Mm,' Vince nodded, 'What's the matter?'

'How d'you mean?'

'Something's the matter,' Vince told him, 'I can tell,'

Howard looked at Vince; he looked worn out and sleepy still, 'It's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow, Little Man,'

**A/N: ****Well, review, and let me know what you think! :D **


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